Four Years Gone, It's Been Nice Knowing You
by teamba
Summary: Oneshot. A satirical take on what happens after Season Four, what happened after Claire jumped, and what happens to our beloved characters after we shut the television off on Heroes for the final time without a goodbye, either!


After the giant "Circus Incident" the specials decided to pursue normal lives, since all of the news stations weren't believable enough and the public thought that the whole "girl jumping off the Ferris wheel" thing was just another drunk girl in a Hannah Montana wig who fell… with some computer generated effects.

And also _Inception _seemed really real.

For every one thing out of the ordinary shown on the news, one lynch mob was formed on Chris Nolan's front lawn. _Anyway…_

Parkman became the head of the FBI. He's still with his wife and son, but eventually he remembered to pick up Molly from that daycare in India so now she's their adopted daughter. She's older now. And she likes curry. Molly and Matt Jr. play hide and seek all the time. Molly always cheats.

But Parkman succumbed to the dark side five months ago. Now he's trying to start a new Company called _Brains and Brawn_ with Mohinder. Parkman's wife, _Mrs. Parkman_, is still suspicious of her husband's relationship with that "strong Indian guy." Mohinder swears they're not gay. Parkman doesn't bother to read his mind.

Mohinder finally discovered a serum to give people powers (and with no adverse effects this time). He was at a Coffee Bean and wrote the formula on a napkin. He accidentally threw it away. Parkman was mad at him. He was mad at himself.

And also Mohinder started doing his preamble monologues again. Everyone missed them too much. People still look at him when he talks to himself.

Hiro gave up time traveling. _For good._ No seriously, for good this time. He was the best man at his sister's wedding to Ando, which was two years ago. Or three years ago. Or seven. Hell, nobody cares about continuity, right? Because Hiro's powers effed up everybody's lives so much, he decided to become a professional karaoke singer instead of a super hero. At a _Singing Person Conference_ (because those are totally real) in Ohio, Hiro met a girl named Emma who liked to clean a lot. Most recently, he took up a profession to stalk her and make fun of the way annoying children and that pregnant girl keep singing around her. It appears to Hiro that the only person who has talent in the show, sorry, _school_, that Emma works at, is the very hilarious cheerleading coach. Hiro hopes that the show, pardon me, _school_, gets cancelled, sorry, _closed down_; so that he and Emma can live happily ever after.

Nathan wasn't really dead after all. I'm Nathan Petrelli and I'm typing this right now. And Claire's biological mom is with me too. *Waves to her* Hey lady I did it with! No not you. Oh actually I slept with you too. Yeah okay Nikki you can turn around. _Currently_… I am drinking a Slusho which Elle and her dad bought me. Lyle's here, somewhere. Oh hey DL! Bastard just phased through the wall without even saying hi to me. Also, Claire's homosexual friend, no not the one that flies, _Zach,_ just left to fight a robot.

Right now a ton of us are staying in a place called, _Oh Man. I Seemed To Have Forgotten About This Character. I Guess The Best Thing To Do Is To Forget About Him or Her And See If The Public Notices. _Thank God Maya isn't here, but it's all the same. The radio keeps playing "Alejandro." Hang on. Let me change it. "Missed the last train home, birds pass by to tell me that im not alone.." hmmm. Seems familiar.

There's a guy on the news who calls himself _Kick Ass_. At first I thought it was Pete, but then it turned out to be a movie. But Pete's doing fine, I guess. He's been trying to save New York City one person at a time. He's given up on the rest of the world. That cello chick broke up with him once she got a record deal under Susan Boyle's new label. Now Pete's doing that whole "superhero" deal, you know; he's been dressing up in tight black spandex and a weird mask to hide his identity when he saves cats in trees and stuff. He's a good kid, Pete. _Hot-Bang'_s starting to get a lot of attention.

When he's not doing the superhero gig, Pete works at the New York Times, getting hired with no experience. But that was no problem for good old Pete, who used his power of sexuality (that he absorbed from a chance encounter with Jon Hamm) and seduced the Editor in Chief into hiring him.

Recently he met some reporter lady named Rory Gilmore. They're engaged now. She seems nice.

Claire dyed her hair dark brown about three years ago. Around that time, she kept sporting a variety of leather jumpsuits. She and Gretchen broke up when Claire realized that anyone she's ever going to fall in love with would eventually _die_. And also Claire got fed up with random people in the streets coming up to Gretchen and asking her if she was the little girl in _The Nanny_. So Claire went through a deep depression and _not _drunkenly stumbled into Sylar who was at the same bar. They were both really upset because they both could _not_ get drunk. So of course my little girl slept with the guy who killed me and she ended up pretty pregnant.

She's not depressed any more. Two years ago Noah Gray was born. He's cute. Wait a minute, I forgot. Don't I have two sons? Ah whatever.

Sylar's actually a pretty good father. He's just as good a dad as Bennet, really. He's over protective, makes waffles, and wears glasses. He's pretty much the new Man with the Plan now. It's weird.

No one's allowed to call him Sylar anymore. Not even Claire. Not even during sex. That's disgusting. This is my daughter we're talking about. Ah, whatever. I'm a crappy father.

Gabriel opened up a watchmaker shop in Manhattan, underneath the penthouse that he, Claire, and Noah Jr. lived in. Now the three of them live in Costa Verde in the old Bennet house. Sandra actually gave Muggles to them, sort of as an "I'm okay with you being my son-in-law now," present. She also married that dog-guy and now they have a reality show on Animal Planet.

From time to time, Gabriel has personality trips, but all Noah Jr. has to do is walk in the room and Gabriel's fine again. It's funny because it happens when Noah Sr. comes around too. Weird.

Gabriel works at the "New Company" under Bennet. He and Bennet bag and tag only the worst of the worst, only "new-Sylars." They wear matching leather jackets with the words "Team Badass" bling'd on the back. It embarrasses Claire and Bennet's new wife. It even embarrasses me. And I don't even talk to them anymore.

Gabriel and Pete have lunch every other Monday. They fly around the world until they meet up. It's pretty cool having super powers.

That Lauren Gilmore lady dumped Bennet after she realized that he was more in love with Tracy than her. Nobody knows how Tracy and Bennet got together, because let's face it: she's out of his league. He likes her because his ice cream never melts and the alcohol's always cold. She likes him because she has daddy issues. But anyway, he showed up at her apartment late one night with a bowl of clam chowder, said, "I owe you one," and that was that. He was hers and she was his. True love, _really_.

They live in Texas where the New Company is located (still), where Tracy heads an outdated Women's Lib office that no one goes to (but hey, at least she's trying to make a difference) and where, by day, Bennet teaches high school English and drama. He proposed to Tracy in Shakespearean. Tracy thought it was lame. Bennet later admitted that it was in fact, really lame.

Claire was her Maid of Honor and Tracy is Noah Jr.'s godmother. Bennet was taken aback when Gabriel told him he was going to name his kid after Noah. Bennet was pretty much taken aback the moment Claire told him that she and Gabriel were seeing each other. Tracy cooled him off though, pun intended. Nowadays, Bennet and Gabriel are like two peas in a pod. That probably freaks me out the most. From time to time Claire and Tracy go to spas where Tracy accidentally breaks off Claire's foot (still).

Tracy and Noah also adopted Micah, which is why we probably see less of him in _Oh Man. I Seemed To Have Forgotten About This Character. I Guess The Best Thing To Do Is To Forget About Him or Her And See If The Public Notices._ Micah's in training to be the next HRG, but he's lacking in the badass department. The fact that he's black makes up for it though.

And Ma's doing great. She spends her time lying in bed (as half-naked man servants fan her with palm fronds) while watching video surveillance of everyone's lives. She particularly likes to laugh at Mohinder and Parkman's pathetic storylines. Bennet shows up at the Petrelli house from time to time and he and ma catch up on the latest episode called "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner: Molly Brings A Black Guy Home and He Can Fix Computers."

She still dreams about the future. Apparently a show called Heroes got renewed for another season. I don't think her powers work anymore…

...Jesus that song is long. I guess the radio's broken.

"In your eyes. In your eyes. In your eyes."


End file.
